This is purely anecdotal, but society, we have a problem. Well, we have many problems, but socially we have a particular problem. There's a fear of being alone. It may make sense, but there's a distinction to make. Being lonely and being alone are not the same. One can be alone without being lonely, and actually one can be lonely without being alone with the type of social and emotional detachment that is possible even between people familiar with each other. In the smartphone age, everyone is connected. Everyone wants to be doing something with someone they know because they can and because it's comfortable. If no one's available, why do it? Or what you can do is go out but then spend the entire night on the phone online. The way I see it, it's a trend, and an alarming one at that. Now that I finally have a smartphone, I can't claim to be completely immune to that all of the time, but I feel I at least do better than many, partly due to mentality and partly due to lack of a smartphone until last year.
What's happening is we are cultivating a society that is not independent. I would venture to say that there are a lot of "independent" folks out there that really don't fit that definition. A key characteristic that I see is that people intertwining being lonely and being alone. "I can't be alone, or else I will be lonely", or something to that degree. That sort of mentality can be very counterproductive. In the past several months I have seen people either ask if others would go to a concert alone, or I have seen people stay in rather than go out due to lack of a person to go out with. Here's the thing: I am a timid person. I have some anxiety issues. When I struggled with them more, I used to get sick to my stomach going down the stairs from the apartment out to the car about going to a show where I didn't know anyone. And you know what? I forced myself to do it anyway, and more often than not, it worked out great. Even when it didn't work out great, it worked out well enough. I can count on one hand the number of times I have gone out alone and felt as though I would have been happier staying in. The more I did it, the easier it became. I don't know that it ever becomes truly easy, but it transforms from a production to a minor trifle. It seems fewer people are willing to do that, even amongst the "social" people.
The mentality is that people want a wingman/wingwoman. They want the safety net, the reassurance that they can go out, mingle, and if things go wrong, they have a person in the back pocket to tend to their wounded egos. And why not? Everyone likes a safety net, or at least most people. It becomes a crutch, though, and it leads us to a situation where people are unwilling to take risks. Being solo results in one of two things, being alone the entire night, or meeting new people. In the case of the former, if you are doing something you enjoy, being alone shouldn't be a problem anyhow. For the latter, even if you are not social, meeting people is partially out of your control because others can initiate contact with you. In many circumstances, that is the case with me. I will go to a show, keep to myself, and inevitably someone will begin talking to me. Once there's that icebreaker, I am fine. As it happens more and more often, then you become able to do the initiating. It's a very beneficial exercise. The biggest example in my life was travelling overseas by myself. It's a little intimidating to think about going to a place with a language you cannot speak and not knowing anyone, but that's what being independent and adventurous is all about. Had I gone with a pal, it's very likely I would not have forged all of the friendships in Europe that I did. Instead of turning to my right to talk to a friend, I turned to my left and talked to a stranger. And it worked out.
But why is this important? Who cares if people are able to go out alone and be content? Well, here's my concern. People are already susceptible to herd mentality. With the advent of technology, it provides an even greater opportunity for that when there is a reluctance to be alone, to do something independently of a familiar crowd. Herd mentality is obviously dangerous. Are people with social herd mentality more prone to herd mentality in sociopolitical and economic issues? I don't know, maybe. But that aside, herd mentality stifles creativity and creates a more homogenous society. I don't want to live in a boring world. I don't think that's going to happen in my lifetime. Even if it did, I think I'd be okay due to the fact that I can be alone and do things I like and be content with it (not always, but often enough).
So here's what I'd encourage. Try and go outside of your comfort zone. When you're at a bar or venue or wherever, and you're alone, don't reach for the phone. Don't just exist in a bar and scroll through your Facebook feed or send a "pay attention to me" text to 30 friends hoping you get a few responses. Talk to someone, or wait for someone to talk to you. Exist within your own thoughts, your own universe. Think about what made you go to that place and why you enjoy it, not that you're there without people you know. Earlier I mentioned that if you are doing something you enjoy, it shouldn't matter if you are alone. On the flip side, if you require other people to do an activity (and not something that literally requires multiple people to do), how much do you really enjoy it? If you find you're not enjoying yourself, that you cannot enjoy yourself, perhaps you don't like what you are doing as much as you think you do. Maybe it is something that is made much more enjoyable by company, and that's fine, but maybe not; take a moment to stop and think about it. It's a good opportunity to be introspective. There is no such thing as failure provided you learn something from an experience, so I encourage everyone to take the opportunity to learn.
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